PLATELL'S PEOPLE: How could Dominic Cummings undermine his own boss so selfishly?

When I first went to work as spin doctor and trusted aide to William Hague, who was then leader of the Tory Opposition, he sat me down and told me the rules.

He said that everything I did would be under scrutiny. I was his representative. The pressures I would be under would be immense, yet I could not put a foot wrong when it came to what we were trying to achieve.

And I had to stop swearing.

‘B****y hell!’ I thought, I finally understood the responsibility of taking on such a job. I knew I had to be cleaner than clean, had to play by his rules. And I did.

Which is why I am so utterly bewildered by the fact that Dominic Cummings — who plays a political role far greater than mine ever was — failed to abide by the basic principles of being ‘an aide’.

As Boris Johnson’s chief adviser, he was at the heart of the lockdown strategy. It was he who pushed for it and helped implement it.

But in leaving his home at the very beginning of the lockdown, when we were told to Stay Home, Protect The NHS, Save Lives, he did the very opposite.

It was unfair and wrong. Worse, and here I am speaking as a loyal Conservative who works for a Tory-supporting newspaper, he undermined the Prime Minister — the very person he is there to protect.

He fostered the notion that there is one rule for us and another rule for people like him.

True, he’s provided laughs. We’ll never look again at Barnard Castle in the same light after all the memes and jokes about driving there to test your eyesight.

Trouble is, the last laugh could be Labour’s given the way he’s damaged the Tories during this difficult lockdown.

Since March 13, I have been on my own, isolated in my home.

I’m a single woman who’d love to have just one friend round but I haven’t done so.

Like millions of others, I have done all that was asked of me and I have found much of it a misery.

So when I learned Cummings had driven to Durham to be with his family, I was furious.

What about my family? What about my stepson Max, who only lives a mile away from me but I haven’t seen in months?

After Cummings’ ludicrous Rose Garden speech, I thought to hell with the lockdown. I called Max and said: ‘Fancy a barbie tonight?’

And he did. But, of course, our wiser heads prevailed, and in the end we decided we wouldn’t.

Bittersweet crush

Happy Birthday Kylie, who turned 52 this week. She marked the occasion by launching a £9 rosé wine, available soon at Tesco.

One snob described it as ‘a coarse, sweet-yet-bitter disappointment’. They just don’t get it, do they? 

The whole point of our enduring love affair with Kylie is that her entire public life has been a sweet-yet-bitter disappointment.

However much we try, we can’t get her out of our heads.

Actress Kate Beckinsale posts pictures of herself with her two cats, Clive and Willow, in which both of her fluffy felines are forced to wear ridiculous face masks. 

If I tried that with my moggy, Ted, he’d rip my hands to shreds, and rightly so. Not funny, Kate, more like cat cruelty. I won’t be the only one calling the RSPCA.

After his heart attack, Queen’s Brian May says he’s been amazed by tributes from fans, but feels like he’s watching his own memorial service. 

Perhaps Freddie Mercury felt like that as he performed Who Wants To Live Forever? at Wembley for Live Aid, when he might have known he was dying from Aids. Thank goodness in this bleak world the brilliant guitarist May is recovering. 

I am no fan of Prince Andrew, yet reports in a documentary from the woman who claims as a teenager she was handed over for sex with the Prince by Jeffrey Epstein ring hollow.

Virginia Roberts Giuffre says when he learned she was 17, he said: ‘Oh, my daughters aren’t far from your age.’

For all his failings, Andrew is a devoted father to Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie. Call me naive, but I simply do not believe he would have said that.

Westminster wars

I know there are no hairdressers open, but Health Minister Helen Whately looked as though there was no shampoo available in her Kent constituency when she was on Question Time. Gives a whole new meaning to locks-down.

Curious that Boris has been so unwaveringly loyal to his aide Dominic Cummings, a character trait he never showed to his ex-wives, children and many mistresses. 

Clearly trying to deflect attention from the Cummings fiasco, the PM announced a lifting of lockdown, a barbie breakthrough so families and friends can finally get together in their gardens from Monday. Top news for many of us, but sadly one in eight Brits doesn’t have a garden.

Quote of the week from Brian Cox, famous for his role in the Netflix series Succession — he plays a mad media mogul. Asked if he would accept a role as Donald Trump, he said no: ‘That man’s two-dimensional. He’s about as deep as a blackhead.’

+Coronavirus shout-outs+ 

To Annemarie Plas, the woman who came up with the idea of the Thursday Clap for Carers — and realising that now, as we have passed the peak, this week’s would be the last. It has been a moment of shared community and joy through the dark days, although the numbers of clappers have been dwindling. Like John Cleese and Fawlty Towers, which ran for only 12 episodes, she knew when it was time to quietly quit.

To BBC Breakfast’s Naga Munchetty, who videoed herself cutting her own hair and appeared on the sofa looking perfectly coiffed with a precise Peter Pan cut.

And to the two dozen kids playing football — complete with tackling and spitting — on Hampstead Heath in North London before the lockdown was eased. When I politely inquired why they were apparently breaking the rules, they told me they all lived in the same house.

A rare glimpse into the heart of William

Football, Prince William And Our Mental Health may sound like the most dull BBC show ever, yet he gave us a rare glimpse into his true character.

William went to talk to footballers great and small about how they dealt with their demons. 

It was moving beyond words when he spoke with Sands United, a group of dads who had each lost a child, and who come together for football and afterwards to discuss their grief over a pint or two.

Briefly he talked of losing his mum, Princess Diana, but without special pleading or self-pity. It was refreshingly free of psychobabble. The simple message it left was that, when you fall into that abyss, you need your friends, your family and others who remind you why you are loved.

Meanwhile, his wife Kate is voted ‘the coolest woman on the planet’, beating Michelle Obama and Greta Thunberg for her devotion to duty, her poise and modesty. Let all those snobs who dismissed the Middletons as arrivistes, take note.

As for Meghan Markle, she came well down at 15th. How that must grieve her.

Springwatch’s Chris Packham appeared on the show with his stepdaughter, Megan, to rave reviews for her natural style and instinctive love of nature. 

He separated from her mother 13 years ago, yet they are as bonded as two swans in summer. 

Which just goes to prove that in this world of broken families, blood is not necessarily thicker than water, and stepchildren can be as precious as any child. 

Snoozenight’s real problem

The BBC should be delighted that more than 20,000 viewers complained about Newsnight’s Emily Maitlis’s partisan rant against Dominic Cummings. 

The former flagship news programme is a dated, washed-out format, mostly irrelevant to political discourse, with third-rate guests. 

It has never recovered since Jeremy Paxman left. The only shock is that 20,000 of its dwindling audience stayed awake long enough to complain.