The learning rites of being right all the time

It has been one of the great fortunes of my life that I have never been wrong.

Even on those occasions when I have been demonstrably wrong, I have found on reflection that I was not wrong. Many of us can fall into this trap from time to time.

Oddly, even for those whose moral compass spins like a nobbled roulette wheel, the feeling of being wrong is uncomfortable. The feeling that others think we have done wrong can be unbearable. The feeling that people who matter to us, or could punish us, think we have done wrong is too much to bear.

Unfortunately, getting it wrong is more common than we are probably comfortable conceding, either in ourselves or in others. We place demands on people and the universe to be consistent.

We like to draw straight lines because you know where you are with a straight line. What’s gone before is what is going to happen. It’s linear. I’ve yet to meet anybody who likes to be called a hypocrite, yet I have met many - and one in particular on those rare lockdown days when I front up to the shaving mirror.

Humans are not straight lines. Not my chins, not my waist, or even the lines on my forehead and around my eyes. We are complex, so complex that we are capable of saying one thing and doing another. We can appreciate that booze is bad for us, and say cheers to that! We can sit on our lounges munching biscuits while watching documentaries about high-intensity training without any sense of irony.

When non-linearities or inconsistencies occur or are pointed out to us, we usually act defensibly to “square” our thinking. We have an urge to demonstrate that we are on the level. In other words, we attempt to make our kinky behaviour straight and linear.

We are masters at rationalising away any discrepancies in our behaviour in the service of maintaining an image of consistency and clarity. You see self-justification everywhere. In relationships it is corrosive.

In politics, it often seems to be a case of catch me if you can. How often have we seen those in the political milieu battling to save their jobs, denying all wrong-doing, claiming their decision-making was reasonable under the circumstances, that others were to blame for the ensuing mess. It is rarely their fault until it is. In other words, until they are sacked.

The impulse to defend one’s actions come what may is understandable, but ultimately childish and unhelpful. You cannot learn from that that you do not accept. If learning comes from trial and error, then it seems pretty fundamental you have to accept there has been an error.

Yes, we are all to blame in projecting our unreasonable and perfectionistic demands on ourselves, others and organisations. However, realising that we are not always right, and that no matter how plausible a string of reasoning you can spin, we got it wrong, is the first step towards recovery, growth, re-establishing trust and moving on.

In fact recovery, growth, trust and movement are more important elements of what it is to be human than being right all the time. If more people in workplaces around the world adopted that attitude, work would be both more effective and pleasant.

Jim Bright, FAPS is Professor of Career Education and Development at ACU and owns Bright and Associates, a Career Management Consultancy. Email to opinion@jimbright.com. Follow him on Twitter @DrJimBright