Sexually Transmitted Debt Is Actually A Very Real Thing, So Here’s How To Avoid It
by By Bianca Davino
New relationships are often pure bliss. The whole world seems to just feel so much more carefree.
You’re pretending to like Death Grips for the sake of your partner’s happiness. They’re trying to muster up the energy to talk about the intricacies of Normal People with you – it’s a truly beautiful thing. When things start to get a little more serious, you might join forces on a Spotify account because you’re ~basically~ the same person now, or you might get a little slacker in keeping up whose turn it is to shout dinner.
It’s all pretty harmless to your wallet but it doesn’t matter, because you’re so dang head over heels for your new human.
Sorry to bring the mood down (I promise I’m fun at parties), on the flip side to this “carefreeness” could lead to something a little more intense if you don’t check yourself.
When you and your partner start to make the Big Moves that involve money (moving in together, paying bills etc), not having a full understanding of what money sitch your bae is in could lead to an antibiotic-resistant case of Sexually Transmitted Debt.
Yep, that is a thing.
Basically, it’s when one person in a relationship becomes responsible for their partner’s financial debts, usually after being misled into taking debt in their own name or sharing financial responsibilities in some capacity.
Sexually transmitted debt could totally happen in a non-malicious way – if you’re unintentionally not entirely across your personal financial sitch. However, if you or your partner aren’t completely honest it could turn into something more sinister, and lead to a form of financial abuse.
So, here are a few things that you should absolutely sure up about your own finances so you help to protect yourself in the long run.
Wanna Open A Joint Bank Account? Think Twice.
Opening a joint account upon moving in together seems like the logical next step in ensuring the cash for your everyday expenses is kept together conveniently. However, there are a bunch of risks associated so get yourself educated before diving into this commitment.
There’s a certain level of trust associated with having shared access to money. You should be totally aware of your partner’s financial values and habits before opening a joint account, so sit down and have a wide-open convo about it all – all healthy financial relationships begin with this transparency.
You should absolutely be a little suss if a new partner is pressuring you into starting one, especially if you haven’t had this chat yet.
One of the most intense repercussions of opening a joint bank account is you share responsibilities for any debts that may arise – even if your spending or decisions had nothing to do with the situation, it could lead to a stain on your financial history.
There’s also an element of a loss of privacy that comes with opening a joint account as both parties can see transactions being made, which could lead to further tensions down the track.
Catherine Fitzpatrick, general manager community and customer vulnerability at CommBank says, “There is no one right way to manage money in a relationship, every couple is different. What’s important is to have open and transparent conversations about money and how you both want to manage your finances as a couple.
If one person is bringing home an income to support the household, and the other picks up some household chores, there’s nothing wrong with that. So long as it has been discussed and agreed by both partners.”
Get Your Head Around Your Partner’s (Or Your Own) Debts
Okay so like we said above, total transparency is key in any relationship to maintain healthy financial wellbeing. Both parties are always entitled to ask questions about their partner’s spending, bills and expenses to ensure they’re continually informed about where their money is going.
There’s good debt and bad debt – if your partner is currently paying off their HECS we wouldn’t suggest re-downloading Tinder right away, but if your honey managed to rack up a stack of credit card debt from buying sneakers, that’s probably a huge red flag.
Even if these debts don’t exist right now, down the line you could be impacted. Your capacity to take out a loan or a mortgage in the future may become impacted as your assets become connected, so watch out.
Fully Understand What It Means To Take Out A Loan
If you’re saving up to buy a house or a lush new car, you might start thinking about taking out a joint loan to reach your money goal. However, before you do so, you should absolutely have an understanding of the obligations and risks involved.
We understand, there’s a whole world of mind-boggling financial jargon you’ll have to wrap your head around in these circumstances but, setting aside time to understand what it all means will save you in the long run.
For example, you should be fully aware and comfortable with the exact amount, purpose, time frame and repayment amounts of a loan.
If you’re acting as a guarantor (the person who “agrees to repay the borrower’s debt should the borrower default on agreed repayments”) for your partner, and they’re unable to make repayments – you’ll be responsible for making them, however, you won’t actually own the asset the loan was for.
If You Break Up, Tell Ur Providers Immediately
When you’re in love, it’s hard to ever confront the idea that your relationship might end. On top of the emotional strain and archiving all the IG posts, it’s hard to think of another thing to add to the list of break-up admin tasks.
You need to let your providers know immediately, and that includes your bank, if your whole living sitch has changed, in the instance of your account being connected to direct debits or taking your name off certain payments.
Lastly, Never Sign Anything Without Legal Or Financial Advice
At the end of the day, if your gut is telling you something seems a little off – trust that feeling. Our instincts are generally 98% correct in spotting if a situation is inherently causing a sense of discomfort or stress.
Reaching out to your bank, a financial adviser, or seeking independent legal advice before taking out a loan, starting a joint account or even if you’re a little suspicious about how your partner is handling money, it is always a safe option to instil a sense of confidence in your financial decision making.
Prevention Is Key
At the end of the day, how you decide to manage your money as a couple is completely up to you. Feeling comfortable and safe in your decision making is of utmost importance and should always be your number one priority.
“No matter how you decide to manage your money as couple, it’s imperative that both partners have an equal voice in decision making, both partners are transparent and share information, and financial decisions and responsibilities are shared, regardless of who is contributing more financially.”
“Although a healthy financial relationship will look different from couple to couple, the absence of these three things can lead to problems and even financial abuse. If financial abuse goes on too long you may end up with ‘sexually transmitted debt’, Understanding the signs of an unhealthy financial relationship and staying vigilant is extremely important to protect your financial wellbeing,” says Fitzpatrick.
You can learn more about the benefits and risks associated with joint bank accounts, and delve into tips on how to have healthy money convos with your partner with CommBank’s financial wellbeing guide, to sure yourself up too.
If you or someone you know is affected by domestic violence, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). In an emergency, call triple-0.