The Antidote To Outrage

We are outraged.

And I am outraged by our outrage.

We are outraged when we see someone without a mask. Outraged when asked to wear a mask. Outraged with every headline. Outraged by every comment on social media. Outraged before breakfast. After lunch. During dinner. In our dreams. It’s epidemic. And I’m convinced our outrage is more destructive than the coronavirus.

How Destructive Is Outrage?

How destructive is it? Let’s count the ways:

• Outrage is bad for our health. I’m no medical expert, but outrage is anger and I’ve read plenty of studies to believe that anger floods our bodies with stress hormones, tenses our muscles, and raises our blood pressure. The details don’t really matter. Google it if you don’t believe it. Outrage is not good for our health.
• Outrage builds walls between humans. With outrage, we put people in boxes of evil. We conclude that they are thoughtless, stupid, brainwashed, elitist, socialist, you name it. Once we do that, what are the chances that we can really listen and hear anything that contradicts these labels? What are the chances that we are able to consider the possibility that the evil person really isn’t evil and may have perfectly reasonable reasons for their actions and beliefs? What are the chances that we will discover that we have more in common with each other than differences?
• Outrage prevents us from thinking. When we are outraged, we don’t think. We fume. We sneer. We hate. I don’t know about you, but I have never witnessed thoughtfulness in a person who is fuming, sneering, and hating.
• Outrage leads to stupid decisions. If we can’t think straight while fuming, sneering, and hating, will we make smart decisions? No way. Clearly.
• Outrage makes us ornery. When we carry outrage around with us, we are not happy. On the contrary. We are cynical and ornery. We are not pleasant people to be around. Besides, ornery gets boring. Why would we want to be boring and ornery?
• Outrage begets more outrage. Outrage has become a habitual response with a twitch trigger. It’s so easy to be outraged and share our outrage with a quick click on social media. Far easier than holding our judgment in check while we investigate truthful details.

I could probably dream up a few more, but I think that should suffice. Outrage is not good for us. Period.

What Is The Value Of Outrage?

There must be some value in outrage or why would we do it?

Does outrage change the behavior of others? No, if you’ve been on the receiving end of outrage, you know it is most likely to make you defensive. And outraged!

Does it change laws and policies? No, that requires calm, positive actions like thinking, collaborating, planning, and problem solving.

Does it make us safer, happier, kinder, wiser, better people? Clearly not. It makes us heartless, seething, and judgmental.

Does it accomplish anything positive? No, because any potential good intentions are buried in sneering, hatefulness directed at others.

There is no upside to outrage. Unless your self worth requires tearing someone else apart so you can declare yourself superior that is. And even that is hardly an upside.

What Is The Antidote?

The antidote to outrage is clarity. Truthful answers to specific questions.

Are we clear about the facts?

What exactly is the other person doing that is so awful? Do we have all the facts? We usually don’t!

• Maybe those pictures of crowded streets and beaches are taken with a telephoto lens and the people aren’t as close together as they appear.
• Maybe that person walking down the street without a mask swerves 10-20 feet when encountering others, lives in an area with a low population density and no mask mandate, has no intentions of going inside any building, and has a mask in their pocket should something come up to change their plans. (That person could be me.)
• Maybe that large group really is a family group all living together or maybe they are self isolating with one other family.
• Or maybe they have recovered and have the antibodies to prove it.

Before leaping to the conclusion that someone’s behavior is inappropriate, we need to be clear about what exactly they are doing. And we rarely are. Especially while seething.

Are we clear about the consequences?

Getting clear about someone else’s behavior is still not sufficient to judge that behavior. You must also be clear about the impact of that behavior. What are the consequences? The risks?

Determining the risks associated with the novel coronavirus is extremely difficult because the advice and evidence has been evolving continuously. So has the misinformation. Each of us has heard different advice from different sources and the result is that we all believe different things. Furthermore, we tend to be convinced that we alone are in possession of the best advice and anyone who believes differently is extremely misguided.

I believe many people are misguided. But I also know that includes many people who are generally taking the same precautions as I am, but for different reasons. Those differences stem from the fact that some people are following rules and others are assessing risk. Not to disparage rules, but it is the risk assessment that matters. Rules can be misapplied. You can die trying to follow rules. It’s important to think carefully about what the rules are actually trying to accomplish.

For example, many people have been told to wear a mask when they leave the house and they scorn anyone who doesn’t. Wearing a mask is great advice if you are near other people and essential advice if you are going inside a building where other people are present. However, a mask is irrelevant if you stay outdoors and far away from everyone. The risk increases if you are indoors, in small spaces, with lots of people, who stay for a long time, and where it is too crowded for everyone to keep a good 9 feet away from each other. Thus, the behavior of not wearing a mask is not universally bad. It depends on the circumstances. Entering a small crowded space wearing mask and gloves is far riskier for all involved than swerving widely down Main Street with neither.

And don’t get me started on gloves. Gloves offer no value if they touch everything normally touched with hands. As a matter of fact, if the user believes they are magic protection for all, those gloves carry far more germs and viruses than hands that are more easily and more frequently washed.

Be careful of rules. Without knowledge and thought, rules won’t always protect you. There is no substitute for thinking through the risks and consequences behind the rules.

Before you judge someone’s behavior, get clear about the consequences. The behavior you are condemning may not be as bad as you think.

What about blatant misbehavior with hazardous consequences?

It is easy to be outraged when faced with blatant lies and accusations. But guess what. Outrage won’t help. It won’t solve the problem. It will only harm your health. Acknowledge and dismiss the things you can’t control such as incendiary, lying tweets that encourage outrage over science. Calmly plan actions to improve the situation such as ensuring the US Postal Service survives and everyone is able to vote safely by mail in November.

It is also easy to be outraged when faced with an immediate health risk perpetrated by another person. But, again, outrage won’t help. It won’t solve the problem. It will only jeopardize your own health. Calmly get out of the way of harm. Then, also calmly, determine how best to prevent a recurrence. Stay away from the people who seem to be taking more risks than you think appropriate. Stay away from high risk situations.

It Is Never OK To Judge A Person, Only Their Behavior

Now that you have calmly determined that someone was indeed exhibiting harmful behavior, separate the behavior from the person. Judge the behavior if you like, but never judge the person. Even people you think you know. You can never truly know another person. You can’t know what they think, even if they try to tell you. You can’t know why they think what they think. You can’t know their intentions, concerns, fears, or hopes. Seriously, you can’t. People are complex. And really good people at heart do stupid and mean things sometimes. There is no value in judging them, just as there is no value in outrage. And actually, if you truly embrace this separation of behavior from the person, you are less likely to feel that outrage because you will be more inclined to consider extenuating circumstances and grant the benefit of the doubt.

Get the facts. Think through the consequences. Pick your battles and choose a path that will make a positive difference. Fight the urge to be outraged.