As Schools Consider Reopening, Many Kids Say “No Thanks"

Some tips to help the reluctant make the transition back to “regular” life.

School and summer camp leaders across the country are currently pondering their options about when and how to reopen. Some states are optimistically hoping for in-person summer school, while camps look to modify their programs under new guidelines. But regardless of where one stands about the merits of these various timetables, just the discussion of these possibilities is welcome news for millions of parents who have been desperately trying to educate and supervise their children while simultaneously working remotely and attending to their other usual responsibilities.

Most youth themselves, especially older ones who supposedly cared about nothing other than their phones, are likewise chomping at the bit to get out and enjoy some real in-person contact with their peers.

But not everyone. Within the masses of people looking forward to regular school and camp routines is a sizable and growing cadre of particularly younger children who find the current situation of staying at home with parents while doing a bit of “remote learning” with their teacher to be just fine, thank you very much. For them, it would be no problem to keep things the way they are now for, like, forever.

There could a number of reasons for this reluctance. Some children (and parents) could be concerned about contracting SARS-CoV-2 themselves or passing it along to a loved one. For others, it could be more about not wanting to leave the comforts of family life. Others still may be finding out for the first time that a homeschooling model fits them very well.

It’s “complicated to explain,” says one 9-year-old boy from Vermont who has started expressing some hesitation about returning to school one day. His mother reports that she and her husband have always “been on the fence” when it comes to public school. “While they like seeing friends and don't have specific challenges in school, they've also always expressed a desire to stay home and be with us, and I think similarly they've now seen that it's possible, and don't want to return.”

Another group of children who are more likely to resist school reopenings are those who struggle with anxiety. For them, the eventual transition back to leaving their home and participating again in large groups is starting to feel like a monumental hill to climb: one that grows with each passing week at home.

“I definitely foresee the return to normal routines being a major challenge for a lot of children and families,” says psychologist Eli Libowitz, an expert in child anxiety at the Yale Child Study Center and developer of the Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions treatment. “It is likely there will be a surge in anxiety and in difficulties with absenteeism/attendance, both for children with a history of difficulty and for many who do not.”

Reluctance to go to camp or school is nothing new, and the challenges of “school refusal” or “school phobia” have kept educators and mental health professionals busy for years. Child development experts have come to expect it, especially for children starting kindergarten or new schools. The behaviors are often part of defined mental health disorders such as Separation Anxiety Disorder or Social Anxiety Disorder, and we know that these fears can often take the form of vague physical complaints like stomach or headaches that surface right before its time to take that first step away.

But just like SARS-CoV-2 itself and its pressure on the healthcare system, what is likely to be different, is the volume of individuals digging in their heels and needing help. Some families have already decided not to return their children to school or camp no matter what state authorities decide. Homeschooling businesses have already taken notice, which is why you may have observed some new companies advertising their programs on television.

Fortunately, many of the same measures that can help mitigate the spread of COVID19 when schools reopen may also help ease the emotional challenges as well. This includes the common plan for smaller classroom sizes upon return and targeted social and emotional learning programs for all students.

While kids are still at home, there can be some steps parents can take now. “Parents and teachers can be thoughtful during this period about not making the current situation a complete cessation of function,” recommends Dr. Libowitz, who urges parents to maintain routines and even “practice” separation while at home. “Parents should also be aware of anxiety during this period and respond to it in a way that is supportive and accepting, but not overly accommodating.”

Some other specific suggestions may be helpful to try sooner rather than later to make the upcoming road a little less bumpy. For parents, these include the following:

• Talk about this issue now. There are two main reasons for this – therapeutic and diagnostic. The therapeutic component is that talking through this with kids can help actually lessen the anxiety. The diagnostic component is to get a heads up on how difficult this transition might arise as things get closer to reopening. It’s also important to know, for example, if the main driver behind returning to school is a fear of getting the virus versus more general worries about being back again in large groups.
• Start working bedtimes and awakenings to be a little closer to school and camp schedules.
• Related to this, one effective albeit sneaky tip prior to any transition is to consider making home just a little less fun. Maybe your child needs to spend a little more time on her own, or you need to start clamping down a bit on the amount of allowable screen time. If home gets to be a little more boring, this could translate into school or camp looking more appealing.
• Start doing some mini exposures, as permitted by your state guidelines. If your child has barely left the house, then start with some trips to some familiar outside locations. Better yet, drive over to the school or camp to let them get the feel of these places again.
• For parents themselves, take stock of your own anxiety, and try not to get your worries and your child’s worries confused. It’s normal for parents to have some concerns here too, but that requires a different intervention pathway.

For teachers and camp administrators, the general idea might be to think of what is done for kids prior to the first day of kindergarten and then apply those principles more broadly. Some other ideas include the following:

• Consider the use of “warm handoffs” to help get kids into the door on the first day of school or camp. This could be a trusted teacher or counselor the child knows meeting them at the entrance, or even a friendly dog or other animal. It might also mean that parents spend some time with their child at the location on the first day.
• Put some of the most fun and attractive activities kids will do right there on the first day as an incentive. Maybe don’t wait a week for that ice cream party or movie afternoon.
• As mentioned above, consider keeping kids in smaller groups at first, at least for part of the day and avoid big gatherings for both medical and psychological reasons.

While these steps alone can be effective for many children, some will require more intensive help with the assistance of a mental health professional. If that is starting to look like your child, it may be worthwhile to reach out to your school or mental health clinic sooner rather than later to plan ahead. As mentioned, many therapists are familiar with this challenge and there has been a lot of research demonstrating effective interventions, many of which fall into the category of cognitive-behavioral therapy. Typically, medications are not used for school refusal, but in unusual circumstances can be utilized on a short-term basis to help a child literally be able to get through the door without a full-blown panic attack.

While many questions remain regarding the logistics of who will return to school when, some forethought and preparation could help in making a child’s climb on the journey back to their previous life just a little less steep. Per Libowitz, “We should approach the return to normal life as a challenge, not expect it to be smooth for all children from day one, and be prepared to provide the necessary supports for children who struggle.”