Money Diary: A Furloughed Teacher & Full-Time Carer On 31k

Welcome to Money Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking a cross-section of women how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period – and we're tracking every last penny.

This week: "I’m a 27-year-old primary school teacher in Oxfordshire. I purchased a house two years ago and got married last year so I have been adulting HARD recently. The school I work in is very small – around 100 pupils – and nobody needed to send their child in during lockdown so I’m now off work for the foreseeable. 

I’m currently caring full-time for my husband, who is quadriplegic. He has no use of his legs and limited use of his arms and hands. We received a letter advising that he completely isolate for 12 weeks as his paralysis affected the muscles in his chest and stomach so breathing can occasionally be difficult but luckily he doesn’t require any machines to help him. When we received the letter we decided I would take over the full-time care to avoid having anybody else in the house." 

Industry: Education
Age: 27
Location: Oxfordshire
Salary: £31,000
Paycheque amount: £1,957 after tax and pension contributions.
Number of housemates: My husband, B, and our two cats. 

Monthly Expenses

Housing costs: £402 for my half of the mortgage. 
Loan payments: £0 – I paid off my credit card last month, woohooooooo!
Utilities: £29 for broadband, £53 for water and £140 for gas and electric. We split all that down the middle. 
Transportation: We are exempt from car tax and my car is completely paid off. Usually around £100 on petrol a month and £43 on insurance. 
Phone bill: £60 for my phone. 
Savings? About £2,000 at the moment between us. We dramatically depleted our savings when we were making our house more accessible for my husband. We needed to redo the drive, widen some of the doorways, make the back garden accessible as we value outdoor space a lot, extend two bathrooms to be big enough for a wheelchair plus change one into a wet room. We also have a hoist system. B’s parents contributed to this massively and we wouldn’t have been able to do it without them.
Other: £22.97 for various streaming services (Disney+, Amazon Prime and Netflix), £160 a month on weekly counselling sessions with a private therapist. 

Day One

8am: Wake up to the cats licking our faces and demanding to be fed. Go to the kitchen to feed them and make coffee for B and me. We live in a bungalow (obvs) and sometimes I think I have forgotten how to use stairs. 

8.30am: Get B out of bed and take him to the bathroom. He uses an intermittent catheter – we did try alternative types but he was prone to infection so we stick with this now. If you’d have told me 10 years ago that I would be inserting a tube into my husband several times a day, I would have called you crazy. I also help him brush his teeth and shower. 

10am: The weather is super nice already so I make cheese and ham toasties and we sit outside to eat. As long as I cut up the food for B, he can mostly eat independently. 

1.30pm: I’ve uploaded some work to my Google Drive that my students' parents can print off if they want their kids to do some work. I try and do this a couple of times a week. Some of the parents don’t have printers or their computers are being used for working from home. For those kids, I print off the work and deliver it to them. It’s only a couple of kids and they all live within close proximity to me so I can get it delivered easily. 

2.30pm: I’ve finished delivering the work and I feel like a postwoman. Call an unimpressed B and sing him the Postman Pat theme tune. Stop at Co-op and pick up some dishwasher tablets, toilet paper, a few food bits and a scratch card. Don’t win a million pounds, which is rude. £17.97

5pm: Realise we haven’t eaten since breakfast so make chilli with cheesy nachos on the side. 

6pm: FaceTime my friend L, who was furloughed a couple of weeks ago. She’s a single mother of two and the kid's dad is being super unhelpful with money despite earning a six-figure salary. The 80% has made it really hard for her to afford to live. I send her £100 and tell her to let us know if she needs any more.

8pm: Snack on lemon drizzle cake I made earlier in the week. Unpopular opinion: banana bread is the devil’s food. 

9pm: Get B ready for bed. We watch a couple of episodes of Queer Eye until we fall asleep. 

Total: £117.97

Day Two

4.30am: B is awake and in agony. Even 12 years after his accident, he still gets phantom pain. Painkillers help sometimes so I get some and help him take them. 

7am: B has managed to get back to sleep but I haven’t. I decide to go for a jog. I used to run five times a week but since taking over B’s care full-time I’ve either not had time or been too tired. 

8am: I’m back from my run and feeling way better. Make a smoothie (who is she?!) to continue my healthy streak. It’s already so warm outside and it’s supposed to be a really nice day. Check on B, who needs the toilet so I help him out of bed and to the bathroom. Teeth/shower as well. 

9.30am: Make toast for B and he eats outside. I call my mum, who is usually a nurse consultant but has volunteered to be redeployed to help with the pandemic. I think I’ll be 50 and still calling my mum for reassurance about life! 

11am: B is still in pain, so more painkillers and I get him back to bed. Find a random exercise video on YouTube and decide that it will distract me. 

11.45am: Finish the workout feeling very sweaty. Have a quick shower and make poached eggs on toast. 

2pm: I’m now ridiculously tired so climb back into bed with B and try to have a nap. It’s unsuccessful, so I just lie there and aimlessly scroll through Instagram instead. Get sucked into the endless Coco and Eve adverts and order the hair masque and fake tan bundles. For £84.80, if I don’t look like a golden goddess after using it all, I will be suing. At least I qualify for free delivery???

3pm: B is awake and feeling much better so we decide to make the most of the good weather and sit outside for a while. I pour myself a glass of wine and we FaceTime B’s brother to see our nephews. They are living their best lives in the paddling pool.

7pm: I make us stir-fry for dinner and we head to bed straight after, as I am shattered.

7.30pm: Normal nighttime routine for us both and we get into bed and watch the new episode of Drag Race. Say 'yassss' an unreasonable number of times and hate myself for it. 

Total: £84.80

Day Three

9.30am: I have slept for over 13 hours! Feeling very awake and refreshed, I get B up and do the usual morning stuff and feed the cats. 

10am: Celebrate my energy with another jog. 

11am: Back from my run so have a quick shower and make us a full English breakfast. Eat way too much and feel slightly sick. 

12pm: Do an online Sainsbury’s shop. They’ve recognised B as vulnerable so we get priority slots now, which is great. Do a massive shop that should last us a while. £63.04 for my half. 

2.30pm: B wants to get some work done so I faff around the house doing some cleaning. Scrubbing a wet room is so much effort. 

4.30pm: Call my friend M, who is also a teacher at my school. We have a massive catch-up and we both wonder whether Boris will open the schools again tonight during his speech. Feeling a bit nervous because I can’t see how it won’t be dangerous for me to be around loads of 5-year-olds who regularly lick doorknobs then have to come back to my vulnerable husband every night. Eek. 

6pm: We’re still pretty full from our brunch earlier, so I just make us toasties for dinner. I’m 99% sure that I actually make the best toasties in the world. 

7pm: Tune into Boris’ speech. Is it me or did he say a lot of things but actually not say anything at all? I teach reception so it looks like I’ll be going back to work in early June. This makes me seriously worry about the safety of not only B but the whole country. The dad of one of my students has terminal cancer and I really can’t see how it’s safe for his son to be in school when he could potentially bring the virus back home. 

7.45pm: Speak to B’s mum and dad for a while about Boris’ speech. They’re not-so-secret Tories and have always said he is doing a great job but the realisation of me being back in work soon with B being so vulnerable has infuriated them no end. 

8.30pm: Normal nighttime routine for us both. Watch some Queer Eye in bed.

Total: £63.04

Day Four

1am: Wake up to B’s leg nudging me. No, there hasn’t been a miracle overnight. He experiences spasms sometimes and they can be really uncomfortable. Drag myself out of bed and get him the medication that helps stop them. Give him that and go back to sleep. 

8am: Wake up to the cats shoving their paws into my oesophagus. Get up to feed them and make B and me a coffee each. Check my phone and the headteacher wants to get as many of us as possible on a call today to discuss what Boris said last night.  

8.30am: Get B up and the morning routine ensues. It’s physio day! B used to see a physiotherapist twice a week but he can’t right now, so we have been managing to do a couple of the exercises that we can do from home. The spasms have mostly stopped so it’s not too bad today.

10am: Physio finished and I make myself look slightly more presentable for the Zoom call with my colleagues. I straighten my hair (god, my roots need doing so badly) and put on a bit of makeup. Wear a nice top but keep leggings on my bottom half. Business on the top, comfort on the bottom. 

12pm: Work call finished and my headteacher/boss is really understanding about my concerns. A couple of the teachers who aren’t in the planned return for early June have said that if there is still a feasible risk of infection then, they will teach my classes for me so I can continue to stay home. Best. Colleagues. Ever.

1pm: B’s muscle spasms are really bad again now so I have to feed him lunch as his arms are all over the place. More medication and cross my fingers for later. 

2pm: I have a Zoom call with my counsellor. I’ve had consistent therapy since my brother and I were adopted (we’re biological siblings and we were adopted when I was 6 and he was 8) as my parents were/are massive advocates for it. Between caring for B and my job, I rarely have time to think about myself and having an hour a week where it’s just about me has been a massive help. We talk about guilt, anxiety and loads of other stuff. Feels like a ton of bricks has come off my shoulders and I’m ready to face life again. 

4pm: Call B’s doctor as his spasms seem to have been getting worse and more frequent recently, which can be a sign of a cyst on his spinal cord. His doctor tells me to keep an eye on it and try to record any increases. He would prefer to see B but is concerned about the virus. We agree to catch up in a week. 

4.30pm: Call my dad and have a cry. I’m feeling really worried and overwhelmed and I really don’t want B to have an issue (well, more of) with his spinal cord. It absolutely breaks my heart seeing him in pain and I know it really bothers him when I have to feed him/help him with more things than usual. 

5pm: Break into my emergency pack of ‘stress cigarettes’ and sit at the bottom of the garden and have two. I gave up smoking four years ago but sometimes you just NEED one (or five).

7pm: Have a cuddle with B who, as always, is massively reassuring and way more chill than I am. We laugh about the time a girl in a bar told me that my boyfriend would be really good-looking if he wasn’t in a wheelchair and I punched her in the face. This was about five years ago but it still makes us laugh now. 

7.30pm: Make us Thai green curry for dinner and have to feed B. 

9pm: Nighttime routine and we’re both asleep by 10pm.

Total: £0

Day Five

7.30am: It’s my birthday! A weird lockdown birthday but still, my birthday nonetheless. It’s also 21 years since my brother and I were officially adopted. Celebrations all round. 

8am: I help B with the usual morning routine and he orders me back to bed. He orders us breakfast from our local café for delivery. When you can’t make your wife breakfast in bed, you order it! 

9am: The food arrives and I help B back into bed so that we can eat it in bed together. 

9.30am: I get up and do my hair, makeup and get dressed. Even if I’m not leaving the house I could probably get a great birthday selfie. I open my presents from B and the cards that have arrived in the post in the last few days. B gets me some beautiful earrings, an eyeshadow palette and some other bits and bobs. He had booked for us to go to Edinburgh on bank holiday weekend, however that was rearranged.

11.30am: My mum, dad and brother drop round with some presents, flowers and champagne. The urge to hug them is so bad but I resist. We talk from a safe distance for half an hour. 

12pm: My parents-in-law drop round just as my parents are leaving with presents and more champagne! 

1pm: We crack open the champagne and I dance to Lizzo in the kitchen. Make B join in with me. 

4pm: We’ve spent the afternoon chatting to various friends and family who dropped off gifts. It’s so weird speaking to them all at the front door while they’re halfway down the drive, but needs must. 

5pm: Some of the teachers at work organised loads of the students filming a happy birthday compilation video for me! I cry like a baby and it makes my day.

6pm: B pre-ordered a food delivery from our favourite restaurant so we sit down with some wine and enjoy the meal. 

7.30pm: We log onto a Zoom call with all our friends and spend the night getting drunk, playing games and chatting. It feels almost normal now.

10pm: Super drunk and off the call, I get B ready for bed. I used to be scared of getting drunk in case I couldn’t look after B, but it’s actually really useful having your own personal lift when you have beer goggles.

Total: £0

Day Six

9am: Very hungover. Crawl to the kitchen to feed the cats. Get water. Crawl back to bed. B needs the toilet. Crawl/wheel to the bathroom. Toilet. Crawl/wheel back to bed.

12pm: And we’re awake! We get up and do...an afternoon version of our usual morning routine. I make us bacon sandwiches.

2pm: We veg out on the sofa for a while watching Sex Education series two and I have a hungover cry at all the girls getting on the bus together.

3pm: Have a scan of Beauty Bay to spend some of my birthday money and there’s obviously loads I want. I order a retinol serum, an eyeshadow palette, some highlighters, a concealer, a foundation and a setting spray. £214 including delivery. Ouch.

5pm: We decide on Domino's for dinner. Get unreasonably angry that my 50% discount code doesn’t include Ben and Jerry’s. £26.86

6.30pm: B was right, we did not need four sides. I am now in a food coma. 

10pm: Usual nighttime routine and we go to bed very full.

Total: £240.86

Day Seven

8am: Morning routine and we have toast for breakfast.

9am: Do some physio with B. The more I do it with him, I can really see progress and it’s very encouraging. Maybe I am not doing such a terrible job?!

10.30am: The Sainsbury’s shop that we did the other day arrives. I put it away and deep clean the kitchen. 

1pm: While cleaning the kitchen I realised we were seriously low on metal straws (B relies on straws to drink independently). I don’t understand where they go. Probably the same place that all my hair grips and bobbles go. With the elves. Order some more on Amazon. £10.99 for eight including delivery.

2pm: Decide that if some of my colleagues need to help with my classes in June, I need to completely finish all my lesson plans. I do this while B works in the other room. Snack on some birthday chocolates. 

5pm: B’s in a little bit of pain and wants a bath as the hot water helps relax his muscles. I have to supervise as if he slips down he wouldn’t be able to pull himself back up. I end up getting in with him and we have a really cute evening.

8pm: Eat salmon pesto pasta for dinner. We watch The Prisoner of Azkaban and discuss how bad at acting Daniel Radcliffe is. Sorry Daniel. 

11pm: Woooow this is late for us. B is still in a bit of pain so I give him some medication, go through our usual nighttime routine and go to bed. 

Total: £10.99

The Breakdown

Food/Drink: £107.87
Entertainment: £0
Clothes/Beauty: £298.80 
Travel: £0
Other: £110.99

Total: £517.66

Conclusion

"It seems like I spent a massive amount this week but when you take off the £214 I spent which was birthday money, I actually didn’t spend too much. I’m usually a really frivolous spender, just buying random bits here and there but since I’ve been so busy with B I haven’t really had the chance to do so. Barely leaving the house helps too. Also, £100 of my expenditure was to help my best friend so I can’t be mad at that. 

I think looking at my money while in lockdown has really made me realise that I don’t need to make the frivolous purchases that I usually do. Overall, I think I’ve done okay."