Giving Gyan

Dear Bachi,

I am a 17-year-old girl. Naturally, thanks to the current situation, I am just sitting at home and helping with housework. My only time off is when I am on a video call with my boyfriend. We have been dating for six months and we don’t live close by, so seeing each other is out of the question. We video call each other twice a day, but the conversations are hurried and lack any sort of love. He’s always eager to get off the phone and play Pub-G with his friends. It’s so frustrating. Every time I ask him what’s with him and the game, he gets very angry and tells me that I am being unreasonable. I feel like such a loser running behind him. I feel so needy. But a part of me is angry enough to want to break up with him. What should I do?

— Miss Laststraw

Dear Miss Laststraw,

Why blame lockdown for your woes? You’d be in the same predicament if the two of you were in diff erent cities, no? Reminds me of a long-ago card I got from a now-dead boyfriend, when I moved to Bombay. The front said, ‘Here I am, and there you are.’ Inside, just one word: ‘Dammit!’ But I get you. All this distancing is no good for the close-ups necessary for romance. I agree with your other frustration even more. Really, what’s with this guy and his Pub-G game? You’re not the one who’s being unreasonable, and he’s the one who ‘seems like a loser’. And will be, more so, if he doesn’t improve his screentime with you. Maybe those six months weren’t as long enough for him as they were for you to build a relationship worth the name. It’s true, absence is to love what wind is to a fl ame. If the feelings are strong, it will fan them to a fi re, if weak, they will be blown out altogether. Look, I’m not telling you to drop him entirely, since you do seem besotted. Lockdown won’t last forever, and you can retrieve a normal relationship, though you’ll have to embrace the new normal along with the BF. But a red fl ag has been waved, so be a little less needy-greedy, a little more restrained when you are physically back together again. Use your head before handing over your heart too quickly.