A Sex Educator On Why Masturbating With Your Fingers Doesn't Feel As Good As Using A Sex Toy

In this week's Sex IDK column, Emma McGowan, certified sex educator and writer, answers your questions about why sex toys feel better than fingers for masturbation.

Q: Why doesn’t masturbating with my fingers feel as good as using a toy?

When it comes to masturbation, everybody is different. Some people need a deep, penetrating rumble. Some people need just the lightest touch to send them to the moon. Some people need penetration — and others don’t. And so when it comes to why your body specifically prefers toys to fingers, Reader, the most straightforward answer is: Toys feel better because they feel better!

But that’s not very satisfying, is it? So let’s take a look at what toys do to your body during masturbation, what fingers do, and some methods for switching between the two.

First: Toys. Sex toys usually do one of two things: imitate a body part (like a finger or a penis or a tongue) or provide a sensation that a body part just can’t provide. If the toys you prefer are in the latter category, then it could simply be that your body really likes a sensation that your fingers are incapable of giving you. And that’s totally fine! Whatever way feels good to you is a legitimate and great way to get off. (As long as it doesn’t violate anyone else’s consent, of course.)

If the toys you prefer are in the former category, then perhaps the toy is just doing a more effective job providing the motions that you prefer. Once again: totally fine. Give your body what it asks for.

Alexandra Fine, the CEO, and co-founder of the sexual wellness brand Dame Products, tells Bustle that sex toys are just bringing something different to the table.

"Some people with vulvas need more powerful stimulation than just fingers," Fine says. "A vibrator can resonate in the body faster, and more intensely, than manual stimulation alone. The consistency and strength of a vibrator motor simply can't be mimicked by the human hand, and vibrators often provide the optimum frequency to achieve orgasm."

While you don’t specifically say that the fact that your body prefers toys is a problem, Reader, the act of asking the question implies that it might be. If that’s the case, then there are steps you can take to train your body to enjoy your fingers more or, at the very least, be more into other types of stimulation than the one you’re getting from your favorite toy.

“If you want to use your fingers more often, try using them in conjunction with a toy, to begin with,” Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., resident sexologist at Astroglide, tells Bustle. “Lube them up and play on the inside with your fingers while vibing on the outside with the toy — or vice versa. ”

The goal here is to get your body used to the feeling of your fingers again so that you can further wean yourself off of the sex toy. But, really, there's nothing wrong with wanting or needing a sex toy to get off, in either solo or partnered play. If it ain't broke? Don't fix it.

Experts:

Dr. Jess O’Reilly, PhD, resident sexologist at Astroglide

Alexandra Fine, CEO and co-founder of Dame Products