Column: When caring for children at home, start with deep breath | Honolulu Star-Advertiser

In March, many Hawaii parents with school-aged children added a new job to their list: homeschool teacher.

As public and private schools closed temporarily throughout the state, then eventually for the remainder of the academic year, parents have abruptly had to cope with the full-time care and academic needs of their children. For many during the COVID-19 pandemic, traditional channels of support have been cut off.

I work with children on the autism spectrum, providing academic resources and therapeutic support. In virtual sessions with parents across the country, I have spoken to exhausted moms and dads in tears, observed homes in chaos, and felt the disruption COVID-19 has caused inside the homes of parents stretched far too thin.

Jobs, shopping, cleaning and routine errands all look different than they did just a few months ago. Now parents are being asked to navigate lists of school tasks, online classes, testing, apps and worksheets. To access these resources, they are being told to use technology they may not have access to or know how to use for these purposes.

As summer approaches, parents face continued disruption to care and structured activities. This is acutely felt by families of the thousands of children who receive specialized education services in Hawaii, who are suddenly isolated from therapy and instruction tailored to their needs.

It can quickly become overwhelming. What can we do?

Breathe. The first thing I tell parents is that it is absolutely necessary to take a precious few minutes to center and focus. This pushes the pause button to the chaos filling our world and allows us to open our minds to possibilities and solutions. The kids will be OK. Without realizing it, our shallow breathing has been trying to hold everything together.

Be kind and gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to let go and to not get most tasks done. You deserve compassion when the feeling of failing fills your world. Many times, just being present is truly enough.

Prioritize. Identify which tasks can be removed from your to-do list, and which are critical for keeping your family safe and healthy. Most things can wait until tomorrow.

Evaluate your resources. Support is limited, but there may be ways that you can rely on your family, friends and community resources. This can be as simple as a quick break and phone call to vent, or asking for a periodic meal delivery. Identify small but meaningful ways to relieve the pressure.

This situation is temporary. I invite you to accept the difficulties of this time and empower yourself to take small steps forward. Make the decisions that are best for your family.

But most importantly, take that deep, long breath in and slowly let it out — knowing you truly are finding your way.

Dr. Jennifer Dustow is an autism specialist, researcher and author based on Lanai.