Joe Biden -- the perverted Magic Eight Ball that is always wrong

ANALYSIS/OPINION:

You can’t say you were not warned.

As President Trump has been saying for years now, “What have you got to lose?”

And then along comes Joe Biden to remind us all that when it comes to the ancient, petrified forest of Washington Olde Guard, America really does have nothing to lose.

Certainly, Mr. Biden should know. For nearly a half-century, Mr. Biden has been one of the most revered white-haired experts in Washington. It’s why he got picked to be Barack Obama’s vice president.

Mr. Biden’s specialty all these decades has been foreign policy, about which he has been entirely, 100% wrong 100% of the time. In a place as hopelessly screwed up as Washington, being 100% wrong 100% of the time is an extraordinary accomplishment. And in the seedy, house-of-mirrors peep show that is Washington, being so consistently wrong is actually tremendously helpful.

People say that a broken clock is right twice a day. Well, that is certainly true. But that only makes the broken clock unreliable. You have to actually know what time it is to know all the times during the day when the clock is wrong.

With Joe Biden, he is not even right twice a day. He is wrong every nanosecond of every second of every minute of every hour of every day. That is why it is so hilarious that Democrats chose to field him in this year’s election against Mr. Trump.

Invade Iraq? Wrong. Pull out of Iraq? Wrong? Divide Iraq into three countries, Joe? Wrong again. Kill Osama bin Laden? Nope, wrong again.

See, this really is very useful. For any thorny foreign policy question, just ask Joe Biden. And whatever he says, do the opposite.

He is like a perverted Magic Eight Ball that always comes up exactly, perfectly, 100% wrong — 100% of the time. None of these pesky little false-negatives you get with a broken clock twice a day.

The only problem with Mr. Biden is that in order to get to the precisely wrong answer, you have to suffer and groan through hours of disjointed, rambling pablum to get to the one wrong answer. He is like House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, only more useful. And he uses a more reliable denture glue.

But you still have to wade through fields and fields of nonsensical word salad to finally get to the point he is trying to make. Which, at least, is always perfectly wrong.

Small aside: Since we are comparing the two great Democratic orators of Washington — with a combined 80 years of “service” between them — it should be noted that while Mrs. Pelosi may need to invest in better adhesive denture glue, she sure does have a great head of hair. So much better than Joe Biden’s sad rows of unwatered hair plugs struggling from his barren scalp.

But I digress. As, to be fair, Joe Biden so often does.

Most recently, Mr. Biden was on the radio getting everything wrong and explaining to black voters that they are not really black if they don’t vote for him.

Seriously. Why did Mr. Obama get into bed with such a cracked nut?

How is it possible that this man is still in public politics? Where is his family? Why have they not gently guided him off the stage and out of the media glare?

The answer is that Democrats in Washington will literally throw anyone under the bus — including doddering old grandpa with bad hair plugs and some seriously warped racial views — when it comes to defeating Mr. Trump.

That still does not answer another important question. What kind of person publicly tells black voters, including the program’s black host, they are not really black if they don’t vote for him? The answer is a very sick and twisted person.

The same person, for instance, who back in 2012 — the last time Mr. Biden was running for his political life — warned an audience of black voters that Republicans would “put y’all back in chains” if they won the election. Yikes.

Like I said, you cannot say you were not warned. And like Mr. Trump said: “What have you got to lose?”

• Charles Hurt is opinion editor of The Washington Times. He can be reached at churt@washingtontimes.com or @charleshurt on Twitter.