FEAR – The battle we win with ourselves

Recently, as the screen time went up with eyes being clogged with all the content floating around, I got to know about this feeling which resided in me. I always had the gut feeling of what I’m doing isn’t just enough for me. I always wanted to take that extra leap of faith in myself […]

Recently, as the screen time went up with eyes being clogged with all the content floating around, I got to know about this feeling which resided in me.

I always had the gut feeling of what I’m doing isn’t just enough for me. I always wanted to take that extra leap of faith in myself and try extraordinary things. Somehow the things would never fall in place as I would always wait for the time to be just right. This time, however, I thought of putting an end to this “Anxiously waiting for life to surprise me”. I was just scrolling LinkedIn and got to know about how we could have our own small chapter dedicated to our own cities.

I was curious to know how this runs, how do we take up, how do they select the people to run, and a lot many questions. So I kind of reached out to a person already hosting this for some city. And he guided me on how I could take this forward. Also, he told me he had some connections in my city, to whom he will connect me up. I was whole in this sweet finger bowl that Okay, I could connect with those people and we could start working together.

After a few hours, I got connected with two names. Quickly I went through their profile and not to mention they had put so much to go through. I was still in my confident zone of how I could propose the plan I have running in my head. Not so sure, I reached out to my sister and asked her if she knows the guys I’m thinking to propose my chapter plan. She did not even hear and burst off in laughter saying, how do you plan to put your profile in front of these two? They have been running major chapters in the city, they have thousands of students following, they have done so much. How will you stand equal to them?

I was all fishes out of the water and didn’t have a single word to say in defense. I went through their profiles again and again, and with each time I found myself getting down the stream. I realized the feeling of fear was taking over me. I started losing confidence in myself and by the end of the next one hour I was all scared. I didn’t know how to connect with them. I didn’t know what plans I could propose to them. I never had this feeling of guilt inside me of not doing so much back in college.

But you see how the motivation and the confidence that I hold in went away in just minutes. That’s how powerful the four-lettered word: FEAR is. It could push you with all the pressure to surrender to itself and get lost in the deep waters. Unaware of how and what I should do. I stopped thinking about this very idea. I was again losing the race of waiting for time. I always had this knack in me for coming back to home, staying with parents, in my own city, and doing something which is not just a gig but something which I enjoy every moment. Like we say: Work is to be cherished. This was my long lost dream.

For the first two days, after my own sister put me out in the ocean of fear, I couldn’t sleep properly. I had this guilt running through my entire body of having wastes my days back then. Believe me, when I was in college, if you could just be online on WhatsApp for one hour, it was an achievement. How on Earth, I was supposed to know about the online presence. I started thinking deep and deep which eventually turned out to Overthinking. I practiced my way of approaching them. I recited my own introduction. I did it again and again in front of the mirror. All I knew was I need to knock this opportunity up and at least get to know how good I could be in presenting my own self.

I did it for 3 days straight next.

And then finally the day was here when I had to call one of them and propose my plan. For your information I would just say they had all certifications from tech giants, one was running his own company too. I on the other hand, was just an analyst who keeps up the writing on various platforms. I took a deep breath and dialed.

Hush.

Nobody picked. Somewhere I could feel myself a little relaxed that “Okay, It’s not today and maybe tomorrow. But till then I should not lose hope. In the evening probably I got a message from one of them saying: I’m a little reluctant in taking up this task and hence do not have high hopes. I felt sad that before I could pitch myself, I kind of lost. But on the other shore, my motivation kept me going. I said to myself: “See Princy. This guy from whom you’re so scared to talk also has already made it clear. Unnecessarily you went through this much.”

The next day I was on a phone call with the other one. And believe me that was the “Ultimate shut up call for FEAR“. I enjoyed talking and while I was doing so I didn’t have the slightest notion of adrenaline rush which could lead me to a mess. I restored my long lost faith in my own self. I was like out in the wild forest fire sprinkling words as if they were water.

This was the time I learned something very precious. Never underestimate yourself. You might have to fight lions, but considering yourself a small cat isn’t justifiable.

The belief in yourself, the belief in seeking things as they fall, the art of pushing away all the fears, the notion of self-confidence, all together make up me as ME.It would hardly matter if the race is long or tough, if you don’t start it.

So this was how I challenged myself to win all through the battles of fear that might become a barrier until late.

If you liked my story, do let me know how was the last time you challenged yourself with fear.

Thanks for reading!

— Published on May 25, 2020