Effects of lockdown on children

BY SONALI GUPTA

TERMS OF ENGAGEMENT

Over the past six years my primary therapy work has been centred around adults and, sometimes, teenagers. Having said that, in the past two months I have begun to witness how so many of my clients’ children are struggling with anxiety and frustration in relation to the pandemic and the lockdown.

Here are some narratives I have been hearing:

A client’s eight-year-old daughter has been struggling with sleep issues. She tosses and turns in bed for more than an hour before she can actually sleep. This problem has persisted for the past one week and she is beginning to feel scared; just the thought of going off to sleep terrifies her.

Another client tells me how their six-year-old equates this lockdown to a prison. The child really wants to meet his friends, grandparents, and is struggling with anger outbursts. He asked my client: “Mom, when this gets over, can I go and hug my best friend?”

A16-year-old tells me how this birthday was supposed to be special and she had plans, which are all squashed now. She wonders if she is privileged and making a big deal out of her 16th birthday when people are dying all around. At the same time, she is grieving for the loss of the family vacation, which was planned much in advance, and is worried that the boy she was beginning to fall in love with, she may not see him anytime soon.

As a therapist, listening to these narratives breaks my heart. It’s such a hard and difficult time for our children and teenagers. What makes it harder is the fact that children feel varied emotions and at the same time struggle to articulate what they are experiencing. Maybe all children are grieving the loss of playfulness, spontaneity and the ability to be carefree.

As a society, we owe a responsibility to create a safe world for our children, but also aresponsibility to let them enjoy their childhood. This entire shift to online school has been overwhelming for them where for long durations they are expected to pay attention to their teachers via screens. It’s not just the students, but also teachers who are struggling to develop that connection and are missing students’ physical presence. Children miss the ability to have random conversations with their classmates, their lunch break conversations and also the ability to freely run in the school playground or go to their favourite football or dance class. I wonder what happens to all that energy and enthusiasm our children innately bring with them; how do they channelize it? If we as adults are struggling with this, then imagine what’s it like for them.

What deepens the problem for children is that constant exposure to news and information has added to their anxieties and fears. A lot of children are struggling with anticipatory grief already where they are worrying that they may lose their parent or a grandparent to Covid-19. This sense of heightened alertness has led to children becoming clingy, feeling restless and most importantly, unsafe. Feeling unsafe in one’s own home, even when parents and grandparents are around is areality many children are battling with. It’s as if in their minds, they feel they are fighting a monster that’s invisible, yet they worry that it can just sneak upon them anytime and hence they feel so helpless and out of control.

With teenagers in particular, they are experiencing a looming uncertainty and worry about the future. In the past couple of months, cyberbullying has increased, and a lot of young people are at the receiving end of it. This bullying behavior whether it’s over WhatsApp, Zoom private chat messages is worrisome as it is scarring children and also impacting their self-esteem.

Add to this, conversations about hygiene, safety measures to be taken and constant worry about health is making children hyper-vigilant. Parents needs to be mindful that children don't develop paranoia or an unrealistic and unhealthy fear about the illness. While we struggle to make sense of the pandemic, we are capable of taking care of our children’s emotional health and the next article would explore tools that can aid children in managing their own emotions.

This is the third article in the series.