How to have great sex during and after menopause

Menopause affects your body in a myriad of different ways, and it can impact both your sex drive and sexual confidence.

The depletion of oestrogen and testosterone has both physical and mental effects on your body, which can leave you feeling worried about or even disinterested in sex.

But, there are ways of adjusting your sex life to make sex for you during and after this transitional period.

The menopause experts at Femal have partnered with Charly Lester, a dating industry expert, to share her guide to great sex during and after and the menopause.

Charly dissects the most common sex-related symptoms of menopause, and the changes you can make to ensure you continue to enjoy sex.

It’s not just you

‘The first thing to understand is how common it is for women to experience changes in their sex drive during and after menopause,’ says Charly.

She says that in addition to a general drop in libido, the most common symptoms include difficulty becoming aroused, and diminished sensitivity to touching and stroking.

‘Lower levels of oestrogen can cause the blood supply to the vagina to drop, which affects vaginal lubrication.,’ she explains. ‘This can lead to discomfort or even pain during sex.

‘Changes to the elasticity of the vaginal tissue and lining of the urethra, combined with a weakening of the pelvic floor, can also lead to bladder control issues, which naturally also impacts sexual confidence.’

On top of that, hot flushes, night sweats and menopause-induced insomnia can also all affect your desire to have sex.

‘If you’re not sleeping well, or feel uncomfortable at night, then the last thing you want to do is have sex,’ adds Charly.

‘Menopause can also lead to depression, anxiety and stress, all of which can have a knock-on effect to your libido and your body’s sexual responses.’

Taking back control

So, what can you do? Charly says that once you have recognised the symptoms and acknowledged that they are related to menopause, there are a number of ways to directly tackle them.

‘In terms of arousal, take some time alone to work out what turns you on,’ says Charly. ‘This might be visual stimuli, vibrators and sex toys, or being touched in particular places.

‘Masturbation can be a great opportunity to try new things, and better understand your changing body. You can then communicate the results of your research to your partner.’

Communication is obviously a key part of relationships, adds Charly, but she says many menopausal women find it uncomfortable to discuss their symptoms with their partner.

‘Don’t worry,’ says Charly, ‘by working out alternative methods which help to increase your libido and enjoyment, you can present the solution to your partner, without necessarily having to discuss the issue.

‘Alternatively, if it suits you and your relationship better, involve your partner in the experimentation stage and explore all the options above together.’

Common menopause symptoms

About 8 in every 10 women will have additional symptoms for some time before and after their periods stop.

These can have a significant impact on daily life for some women.

Common symptoms include:

• hot flushes – short, sudden feelings of heat, usually in the face, neck and chest, which can make your skin red and sweaty
• night sweats – hot flushes that occur at night
• difficulty sleeping – this may make you feel tired and irritable during the day
• a reduced sex drive (libido)
• problems with memory and concentration
• vaginal dryness and pain, itching or discomfort during sex
• headaches
• mood changes, such as low mood or anxiety
• palpitations – heartbeats that suddenly become more noticeable
• joint stiffness, aches and pains
• reduced muscle mass
• recurrent urinary tract infections (UTIs)

The menopause can also increase your risk of developing certain other problems, such as weak bones (osteoporosis).

NHS

Make the most of new products

One of the great things about living in 2020 is that there are so many new innovations and products designed specifically to tackle the discomforts of menopause.

‘In terms of vaginal lubrication, there are a number of moisturisers which have been specially designed to tackle menopause-related dryness and help keep the vaginal walls supple,’ says Charly.

‘These creams can help deal with dryness, itching, burning or pain during sex.’

The creams Charly is talking about can be applied both internally and externally, on a daily basis before bed, and also applied directly before intercourse. There are also hundreds of different lubricants available for use during sex.

‘Again, take some time to work out what works best for you and your partner,’ suggests Charly.

‘Silicon-based lubricants tend to provide the greatest amount of lubrication and are less likely to irritate your skin than water-based lubricants, however, they can be more expensive than other lubricants and are not always stocked in shops.’

She adds that hot flushes and night sweats can be tackled with specially-designed nightwear and bedding.

‘They adapt to your changing body temperature and wick away moisture, helping you to keep your sleep uninterrupted,’ she explains. ‘The better rested you are, the more confident and happy you’re likely to feel.’

Get active and stay safe

If you’ve noticed the menopause affecting your mental state – stress, depression, or anxiety – in addition to seeking medical support, Charly suggests you try to increase your levels of activity.

‘Introducing regular physical exercise to your routine – whether it’s a gym class, the occasional jog, or a daily brisk walk – will help increase your endorphin levels, and it’s amazing the effect body confidence can have on your libido,’ says Charly.

‘If you encounter new partners, or are sleeping with someone who hasn’t had an sexually transmitted disease (STD) check, do remember to stay safe.

‘While unwanted pregnancy may no longer be a consideration, STD’s are an issue regardless of your age. Condoms are the easiest way to prevent the spread of STD’s, but do check that any lubrication you use is compatible with the latex, as some lubricants can degrade condoms.’

Charly says the key thing when it comes to sex and the menopause is simply talking about what you’re going through.

‘Like most things in life, a lot can be solved through communication,’ she says. ‘If something is troubling you, share it with someone – a doctor, a therapist, a partner or a friend.

‘Most women experience these symptoms, so you are never alone, and whatever the issue, I promise the doctors will have heard it all before.

‘A problem shared really is a problem halved, so speak up, and start enjoying yourself again.’