Valentine’s Day and its five categories


For today, every lover should expect some attention and if it fails to come, or if the partner gets more than one rib-poking love attention, it is time to reconcile your books.


KAMPALA - Happy Valentine’s Day! Pure love is difficult to find or express, but those who will get even 50% of it, will be as lucky as it goes. Some love is much better than no love at all, especially today on Valentine’s Day.

There are five broad categories of lovers as far as Valentine’s Day is concerned. And in each of these, some truth will be shouting out loud and clear by midnight tonight.

That is perhaps the biggest importance of Valentine’s Day; it opens the gate, allows the truth to walk out, the truth become flesh and dwells among us. Those who have eyes will see and those who don’t, will continue focusing on the Miss Curvy contest instead.

For today, every lover should expect some attention and if it fails to come, or if the partner gets more than one rib-poking love attention, it is time to reconcile your books.

The first group are the Valentine’s loyalists. These believe in the day for lovers, look forward to it and celebrate it in whatever way possible for them. They will dedicate a gesture, a gift, time and recognition that will make the partner realise the difference. I am proud of you.

However, for you, today is a risky day; a day of celebrating love or mourning partners with squinted eyes. Either way, today is a special day to show you where loyalty lies.

The second group are the Valentine believers who have partners who don’t want to participate. It may be due to genuine disbelief in the day of lovers, it may be pretence in order to save money, but it may also be pretence in order to open the door for someone else. There are people who have spent this week throwing rotten eggs at Valentine’s in order to get the partner out of any imaginable expectation.

So, even when they get lost in someone’s arms this evening, the partner won’t suspect anything.

The third group is the couple who do not even know that today is Valentine’s Day. They realized sooner that they did not die when they did not celebrate it, so it does not sound to them a matter of life and death. They would rather save the money for more important things like sports betting.

These, too, have sub-types. Apart from genuine haters, there are those who pretend to find no meaning in a lovers’ day in order to carve out time for a side dish. Usually, that deceit is mutual, but the stupid men do not know. They think they are cleverer by dodging their wives yet the wives, who encourage them not to mind, may also be happier with the prospect of a free evening with their other boyfriends.

The other sub-type is where one genuinely believes that Valentine’s Day means nothing to the partner.

She would have loved to participate but because the hubby said he would have a late meeting in the evening, she decides to spend the time in front of the TV waiting for him to come home. Partners of this type are naïve and fodder for huge disappointment.

The fourth group are the believers in the lovers’ day but who had to cancel yesterday or today morning because of an emergency. So the day they have been looking forward to gets interrupted by an unavoidable circumstance. It may be a gimmick to cheat but it may also be a strategy to avoid the expenditure associated with gifting, outing and the etc of Valentine’s Day.

But it may also be genuine. And in matters of relationships, if you discover beforehand that you cannot be with your Valentine on this day, it may be prudent not to let them know. The world of dating is so dynamic that some partners will still not be alone in case you are not around. It may be wiser to seem that you would be around so that the partner makes it clear to the vultures that the day is ring-fenced. The vultures will then resurrect their plan B and by the time you announce your emergency on the morning of

Valentine’s Day, it may be too late for the vultures to reschedule. That way, chances of finding your partner unpoached are in bounds. Similarly, you can play a Valentine’s game to disorganise your partner’s dating ecosystem. You can announce early that unfortunately, you won’t be around on Valentines’ Day. The partner will display the usual disappointment but some may get ideas. Very few people can resist the temptation of an absent partner on Valentine’s Day, especially when the secret lover has been sulking and ruing the folly of dating a married person.

So, your partner will call the lover and announce your absence and the two will plan out the day in your stead. The lover, who will have planned with another person, will call to cancel the arrangement citing an imaginary emergency. That somebody will also call another depending on how wide the sex network is. And so on and so forth. Suddenly, on Valentine’s eve, you announce that the plans have been cancelled; you will be around and available. The partner will then need to cancel with the secret lover.

The disappointed lover will call the partner to also announce the cancellation of plans. The partner also will call to cancel etc etc  

That way you create waves of disorganisation in your partner’s sexual network. It does not add food to the table, but it pays to disorganize vultures at any time of the day.

Those of you who are thinking that I am being so negative and faithless about relationships are right. But it is better to be realistic than living an ostrich strategy of whatever I do not see does not hurt.

Do not wait for Valentine’s Day to discover the bean weevils. It begins by being as realistic as possible.