Beyoncé Wasn’t High, She Just Really Likes Whales, Okay?

Two words, ladies and gentlemen, and we love to hear them: fan service! To bribe us into buying her latest Ivy Park collection, now brought to you by Adidas instead of Topshop, Beyoncé answered fan questions for Elle Canada and posed on its January 2020 cover. Some fans went for the kinds of questions you ask on a Tinder date (Go-to karaoke song? “‘Escape (The Piña Colada Song)’ and ‘Hotel California’”). Some fans asked her important questions regarding social justice and equality. And others straight-up tried to troll the Queen Troll herself. They’re just lucky it’s not Rihanna because she would’ve cussed them out. But thanks to those brave little worker Beys, we now have answers to some of the most pressing questions in Beyoncé lore. Namely, “When’s the Formation World Tour video coming out?” and “Were you high as hell in this Destiny’s Child interview?”

“I still love whales,” 2019 Beyoncé answered. “And I love being in the ocean. And that video was after a 16-hour press day. Not marijuana!!” Both of those things can be true, Bey! As for the Formation World Tour video … bad news. While she teased the Beyhive with this “Where is the FWT DVD?” T-shirt earlier in the year, this time it’s a hard no. “Years ago, I asked Prince to record my rehearsal with him for our Grammy performance,” she begins this fable. “He said, ‘You don’t need to record that. You own that in your mind.’ Haaaaaaa! Prince always knew best! So, you can always watch the Formation World Tour in your mind; you own that!” That is so corny, yet somehow not as awful as this joke she told: “What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. Get it? NO-EYED-DEER.” Blue Ivy, come get this girl. Better talk to her before I do, because I’m gonna hurt her feelings.