John Oliver Says No-No-No to SantaCon in a Web Exclusive Last Week Tonight Episode

Christmas is just around the corner and with it comes one of the most unnecessary conventions/events/festivals/reasons to get drunk of them all—SantaCon. While Last Week Tonight is off-air until February, John Oliver dropped a web exclusive that explores the debauchery of drunkards dressed like Father Christmas and why it’s so ho-ho-horrible.

“What’s so awful about that?!” you (naively) ask. They’re just people dressed as Santa Claus having a good time! Well, in Oliver’s words, “it’s a terrifying combination of binge drinking, public urination and trauma to small children that decades of therapy will never manage to reverse.” If you haven’t already told your precious babies that Santa isn’t real, well you better tell them now before they spy absolutely hammered Santas revelling through the streets of whatever major city you find yourself in and catch them doing some…unsavory things.

A CBS news clip from the show that emphasises the “crude and lewd behaviour” of Santas during SantaCon is an interview with one John Nelson who says he saw an “explicit sex act” on the Duane Reed on 14th and 3rd, right in the middle of aisle four. “Two Santas, going at it,” the clearly traumatized Nelson recounts. Try explaining that one to your four-year-old.

If catching Santa fingerblasting an elf isn’t a bad enough reason to #cancel SantaCon, consider this: Hoboken’s police chief, Ken Ferrante, said approximately $75,000 of taxpayer money accounts for the large police presence necessary during SantaCon. If you check out his Twitter, the man religiously updated followers with SantaCon-related arrests and incidents, several of which involved injured police officers.

While Oliver does acknowledge that SantaCon does have a bright side—they donate to several charities—he also highlights that the total donated amount (according to New York City’s SantaCon website) averages out to $50,000 a year. Not bad as a number, not so good considering the event draws over 30,000 participants annually—that’s about $1.67 per person. Not so Christmas-y if you ask me.

Just a thought: Keep the image of Santa as the nice jolly Christmas guy and let St. Patrick be the patron saint of pub crawls.