Collective Voice: My internet persona was nothing like me

To most people in real life, I would be that sweet little kid they always knew, but to others online, I would be the opposite.

Grade 9 students in the Collective Voice program at Aden Bowman Collegiate share their lives and opinions through columns. Selected columns run on Mondays in The Saskatoon StarPhoenix.

By Micah C.

Do you ever go out in public wearing a disguise, so no one knows who you really are and you can choose who you want to be? Don’t answer too quickly, because most of us do this all the time.

An internet persona is a social identity online. Some consider it a presentation of yourself. Everyone sees what you present online. You put the best attributes out there and no one sees your worst.

How do you think other people see you when you put out an image of yourself that isn’t entirely accurate? This is a dangerous road to go down, and I found that out the hard way.

I’ve always heard grown-ups talk about other people being the problem when you go online. When you can’t even hold a stable identity online, though, is it really the other people?

If you go online, you might expect that everybody is acting like themselves, just online instead of in person, right? That’s what people thought of me, but was I really myself?

The answer was no. I used to act in two different ways. In person I would be this good little boy, teacher’s pet, parent pleaser, anything along those lines. Online I would be a different person — I would be everything I thought I wanted to be at the time.

I would be tougher in some ways — being a sensitive and introverted boy, I didn’t really have the confidence to expose that part of myself. It’s a standard idea that all guys are meant to be strong or manly.

An example could be group chats, where people would say things I would never say. I went along with it, though. I kind of pushed out my morals and let it happen.

I didn’t learn until much later that it’s okay to have feelings, and in the moment it felt good to be abrasive. I wasn’t doing it in a very smart or healthy way, though.

It was unhealthy because most of the people I was talking with were complete strangers. They weren’t necessarily all my friends from my school. They would’ve seen me as something nobody else really would.

To most people in real life, I would be that sweet little kid they always knew, but to others online, I would be the opposite. I could even consider myself to be a little insensitive and rude at some points, but those people really liked me for it.

They thought I was funny and interesting, things I never considered myself to be. But think about what it would be like once they met me in person. I was a really quiet and shy person, honestly speaking. I still am — that’s just part of me, and that’s okay.

I remember being someone completely different when I was younger. I feel like parts that I used to just simply act became actual parts of me. I didn’t even notice it happening.

It attracted an audience of people I never wanted. I would meet people on social media as that person I didn’t really want to be. Then I would hang out with them and sometimes I would pretend to be that person; other times it was just awkward.

It’s interesting to think about how many people like me could exist on your favourite social media platforms.

I wish I would have just been myself. It isn’t worth it. It’s a short term feeling that has long term consequences.

Always be yourself. Everyone deserves a chance to express themselves, online or in real life. They deserve respect. I didn’t have any for myself. No one ever really showed me I could be me until I learned it on my own.