Why are cafe coffees always geared for right-handers?
by Danny KatzQ: I’m a left-handed coffee drinker, but when I order my piccolo in a cafe it is always geared for a right-hander. This means I have to turn the cup so the handle is on the left and move the spoon to the other side of the saucer. What can I do about this?
L.O., Coogee, NSW
A: Oh, I feel your anguish. It saturates your question like a soaked serviette under an overfilled piccolo being carried across a crowded Coogee cafe, packed with huge, 18-wheeler, semi-articulated prams. And I understand why you’re anguished: you’ve gone out for a nice, relaxing coffee and suddenly there’s work to be done. You’ve got to rotate your tiny cup 180 degrees, leaving a foamy residue around the cup rim, which is half the piccolo.
Then you have to shift your spoon to the other side of the saucer, and often there’s a complimentary bickie on the other side, so that has to be shifted back to the original spoon spot. It’s a logistical nightmare!
And when you finally drink your coffee, you raise it to your lips … but what’s this? Your piccolo latte art is upside down! It was meant to be a heart but now it looks like a teardrop. A teardrop spilling from the eye of an unfairly persecuted, left-handed piccolo swiller.
Do not take this sitting down, or standing up, or leaning casually on a funky, street-facing cafe window counter. Go up to the barista and explain that coffee is not just for the self-righteous, ristretto-slurping right-handers, it’s for the loony, latte-sipping lefties, too! And from now on, always include hand identity when ordering your coffee: you should be able to ask for a double-shot piccolo, extra hot, skinny milk on the side, extra foam, left-handed cup ’n’ spoon orientation, extra serviette, thanks.
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