Super bumper deluxe Christmas gift guide!

From Trump giftwrap to a conservative sledge, the ideal festive presents for your loved (or hated) ones.

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly column looking at the lighter side of politics. You can find it in POLITICO's weekly print edition and online on Fridays.

There are only four weeks to go until Christmas, so it's time to get buying gifts for the political junkie in your life. Here's the Declassified guide to some of the best. All are genuine items available from the websites of actual politicians or political parties.

A Bavarian conservative sledge! Of course as any card-carrying member of the Christian Social Union will tell you, it's all been downhill since Angela Merkel decided to open the doors to migrants.
€59.99 CSU FanShop

A Jeremy Corbyn mug! "Why does a Marxist only drink green tea? Because proper tea is theft." Which used to be a good joke until Michael Gove used it.
£6 Shop.Labour.org.uk

Donald Trump snowflake wrapping paper! Why not start your Christmas Day by annoying the wishy-washy liberal in your life, which if you're Trump is anyone who doesn't think babies should be armed.
$30.00 shop.DonaldJTrump.com

A Republican presidents jigsaw! Seemingly designed by the artist behind that painting of dogs playing snooker, this 500-piece puzzle features Lincoln, Ford, Nixon, Roosevelt, Eisenhower, Reagan and Bush (senior and junior). At least two of those would struggle with a nine-piece jigsaw.
$21.95 WhiteHousegiftshop.com

A case for pétanque balls from the Élysée Palace! A gift that could only be more French if it had a pastel-colored sweater tied around its shoulders.
€24 boutique.elysee.fr

Brexit Party playing cards! Contains 52 jokers.
£3.99 shop,thebrexitparty.org

A Putin calendar. Not available from the Kremlin's online store but very much approved by the man himself, this year's calendar (titled "Official Peacemaker 2020") features all the classics: shirtless horse riding, working out, confusing Donald Trump by handing him a football.
£10.00 ebay

CAPTION COMPETITION

"Not house-trained and licks its own balls, but still a great American." "What about the dog, Mr. President?"

Can you do better? Email pdallison@politico.eu or on Twitter @pdallison74

Last week we gave you this photo:

Thanks for all the entries. Here’s the best from our post bag (there’s no prize except for the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far more valuable than cash or booze).

"If I knock myself out, they can't make me deal with this mess anymore" by Anna Holmén

Paul Dallison is POLITICO's slot news editor.