Senate GOP Sparks Outrage, Declares It Conducted a ‘Fair’ Trump Trial

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Senate Republicans took to the ether for a victory lap and some backslapping late Friday morning—immediately prompting a surfeit of pique by describing the impeachment trial of President Donald Trump as “fair.”

”The Senate conducted a transparent, impartial, and FAIR trial,” the GOP caucus proclaimed via Twitter before running down a list of numbers:

17 witnesses.
28,578+ documents.
192 video clips.

“It’s time to move on,” the decidedly somewhat goading-inclined tweet concluded. “It’s time to get back to work for the American people.”

National security attorney Bradley P. Moss dismissed the Republican Party’s approach to justice as atypical of normal legal proceedings.

“Thank goodness we don’t conduct actual court cases under this laughable definition of fairness,” Moss said in an email.

Law&Crime Network host Julie Rendelman, who previously worked as a prosecutor and now owns a defense practice in New York, also disputed GOP claims of fair play and substantial justice.

“There is nothing fair about a trial when there is a complete refusal to hear from witnesses whose testimony would be probative to the ultimate outcome,” Rendelman noted.

”These are lies,” said celebrated historian and Boston College Professor Heather Cox Richardson—weighing in with a statement that will likely be salient for some time to come due to her job as custodian of, well, American history: “We will never forget.”

The prospect of the short-lived impeachment process (and even shorter Senate trial) culminating with an acquittal on both charges for the 45th president also prompted the rise of a hashtag that portended an electoral backlash over the witness-free ordeal: #RIPGOP.

“Fuck your fair trial bullshit,” said popular #resistance Twitter account @DogginTrump. “Fair trials aren’t run without witness and documents. #RIPGOP because the 82% of Americans who demanded witness & documents will not forget this #GOPCoverup #GOPCowards.”

The hashtag grew increasingly popular as reality set in: